I would like to share some insights dealing with the loss of loved ones. The loss of my mother took me on a path of healing and learning healing arts. It led to a professional healing practice of assisting and teaching people globally how to heal. This healing journey has not only helped me work to overcome the deep heartbreak but also helped me heal chronic physical health and other difficult life challenges.
I have observed that many people dealing with the loss of a loved one may also be dealing with past losses as well. Even years after the loss, they are still heartbroken and cannot move on with life. The grief can be debilitating and may even cause physical health problems. I will share some processes with you for healing and getting over suffering of the loss of a loved one.
When there is difficulty processing grief and suffering continues, it is because consciously or unconsciously, we are still holding to certain ‘stories’ of the past. These stories are mental constructs formed as beliefs, viewpoints and expectations toward loved ones and those situations. If the stories are not processed, the grief will not be able to be processed and we may remain stuck for a long time. Immediately after a loss, most people may be quite emotional for some time. Behind the mental constructs are attachments. If there is difficulty releasing the attachments we will grief for a long time. These attachments can result in anger and disappointments long after the person has passed.
Specifically, the unprocessed ‘stories’are often unrealized expectations of what life should have been like or could have been like. Examples such as… If he/she was still alive, he/she would be in college and getting his/her first job. We would have been able to travel the world together and my life would be like this or that. When we suffer a loss, there is often a huge resistance in our mind of not being willing to fully accept life as it turned out. The resistance is a barrage of mixed emotions and attachments from anger, resentment, disappointment and many others. The resistance prevents us from accepting life fully because it is so painful. When we have resistance to fully accepting and loving life as ‘What Is’, the grieving and suffering process can last a long time.
As I healed, I started to apply Eastern principles to let go of this resistance and accept life as “What Is’. Often times, accepting life as “What Is’ is difficult because the experiences in the mind are like layers of the onion. The resistance I talk about has layers of stories sitting on top of each other. From the Eastern standpoint, resistance is the layers simply held together by energy. Below are some basic instructions to release the layers of resistance using a simple self-inquiry process.
I call this process for releasing resistance, Heart Wisdom Process. It is a self-inquiry process used by the self-realized sages and gurus of the East asking the eternal question ‘Who am I?’
Below are the steps for applying this process…
- Apply “Who Am I. If you still suffer from the loss and you have a story or expectation such as ‘If he/she was alive, he/she would be this or I would be happy.’ Fill in your own story.
- Notice what physical tension or sensation you felt as you asked this question. If you feel sensations or evoke feelings, you can take several breaths into locations where you feel them and ask your body to release them. You might feel heat, more emotions and even physical discomfort in the releases.
- As you are doing this process, other stories, feelings, and emotions held in the unconscious are likely to surface. Repeat and go back to step 1 for the next story or feeling of ‘Who Am I?
For someone brand new to this work, the only challenge with using this process is that stories are feelings we are not conscious of. They are highly unconscious. For example, losing a loved one may be connected to issues related to safety or not feeling approved of. Losing a parent can sometimes trigger childhood experiences of needing safety, protection, and nourishment. Losing someone that close triggers the psyche at the deepest levels. Most people will get benefits immediately after applying this process however, they should consider working with an experienced practitioner as it is often difficult seeing the layers we are highly unconscious of.
The steps above introduce the work. I also wrote articles for other challenges and the relationship between physical health and Chinese Medicine principles of healing (Click here – Healing Overview) Please look at the links above and write me directly at contact Paul.
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